Merch Your Way To A Brighter Future
Posted on February 25, 2007, 11:23 am by JessicaDelfino under Society
Have you ever caught a bear before? Me, neither. I bet it's very dangerous. I used to live in the wilds of Maine where there were lots of animals, fresh and ripe for the catching. There were (and probably still are) moose, deer, beavers, rabbits, squirrels, fish, wild dogs, bob cats, raccoons, lobsters, and my personal favorite, the ex-con.
However, if you aren't good at catching animals, because, say, you are small, weak, scared of what a bear might do to you, slow, fat, out of shape, addicted to prescription medication, retarded, one-legged, too loud to sneak up on the critters, or your car is broken down, or you live no where near the forest, then how about starting your own business?
I have a theory that if everyone were to start their own business, there would be no more poor people. That's right. Poorness would cease. That's my theory. It's not proven, but I bet it's true. In the olden days, like when people used to live out west on the desert and ride horses, everyone had their own business. There was the dude who sold sugar and flour, there was the guy who hammered and nailed things, there were some ladies who ran the store where you got your dress fabric, and then you hired a foreign lady to sew it up for you. And at the end of the day, everyone got paid.
Nowadays, people work at Walmart and Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds and H & R Block, Bank of America and Old Navy. And those places suck. Walmart's lighting is very unflattering, and their organic food selection is pitiful. Dunkin Donuts - did you know that donuts give you cancer? McDonald's gives you thirteen kinds of cancer at the same time. And H & R Block and Bank of America? Don't even get me started. You can wipe your asses with them with the millions of dollars you make starting your own business. You can say, hey Bank of America! Park my car while I make a deposit. And by make a deposit, you mean, use their shitter.
I have started my own business. It's me: the business. That's right. I've been singing songs, playing guitar and telling jokes now for about five years. And for about four years, I treated it like a hobby. After the fourth year, I had an amazing, not so intuitive realization - I'm going to have to start making some money on this hobby. Or else, I'm going to have to get a job.
Since then, I've been thinking from a business point of view. How can singing songs, playing guitar and telling jokes make me make money? I do perform live shows and make some pay that way. But merchandise is one way a lot of musicians and performers make money, especially when they are touring. I sell CDs at my shows, but I decided I should try to sell other things that would make people stop and look around, hang out for awhile at my CD table. I started selling my home-made maxi pads, which I call "planetary napkins", and around Christmastime, I sold Christmas tree ornaments which were made out of (unused) tampons. I have a comic book I made, as well, and many more ideas for raunchy art projects coming to a merch table near me, near you.
"Hm. Vagina art. Brilliant." Is that what you were just thinking? Probably not. And even if you were, ha HA! I thought of it before you. And business is pretty good. People like vaginas. People like music, songs and jokes about vaginas. People like art about vaginas. It's a lucritive business. Just as Ron Jeremy.
If you've had any kind of idea for your own business, the most important thing to do is to get out there and do it. The hot dog cart is a perfect example of someone who went out there and just did it. What is your idea? What is your business going to be?
